I Invented the Deep Fat Fryer.

Conflagrations

2005-05-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

This is my new blog.

new color scheme,
easy to type url,
its so awesome, I
almost crapped my
pants. Twice. Yay
I like this here
square of text.
Aye, I do.
Yep.

Show Choir?

2005-05-07T22:31:00.000-07:00

Currently Playing
Tomorrow the Green Grass
By The Jayhawks
Blue

Guess what's over for the year?
Show choir. Finally.

Time Schedule for Show Choir:
3:03-Amble out of Computer Lab with Hamilton and JP.
3:07-Drop off backpack in Drama room
3:12-Getting Root Beers with Drew and Alex
3:14-Mrs. Vickie does dorky and embarrassing announcement asking where the we are.
3:17-The Jewtalian is laughing. Jacob wants to "focus" then he puts on a feathered hat and tells a joke about wildebeasts.
3:33-Finally (or, regretably) we are singing.
3:46-Drew tells stupid joke. No one laughs.
3:53-Katy flirts with Alex.
4:07-Walk away from Drama Room.
4:12-Katy still flirting with Alex.
4:23-Me and T talk to whoever is still at school except for the Nintendo junkies.
5:30-Dinner, word.

Stockdale

2005-05-03T12:44:00.000-07:00

Hahaha, great title.
Well, Stockdale is the kid sitting next to me right now.
He's a fresher of men.

I need to stop taking crap from people.
It gets all over my shirt and smells for weeks.

Joash Lovell. Where the eff are you?

Streaming is illegal at my school. That means NO Launchcast.
which sucks because school's the best place to use it.

Currently Playing
Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
By Wilco
Kamera

Hahaha... that feature is the main reason I use xanga at all...
but my xanga's more for people from MLK and crap.

No mo fiddler, or shows thereof. Hallels are in order.

I got another quick Lifeway job this Friday... which translates to longer resume and a few trips to Phonolux and/or Opry Mills.

Dam, it feels good to be a beaver.

Jesusland

2005-04-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

This blog has the same name as one of the best songs on Songs for Silverman, courtesy of his majesty Benjamin Folds XVI. Go to VH1.com right this second and listen to it.
Do me a favor.

This is for Alex:
How High a Ridge I could not Tell.

This is for Curtis:
Merv's gettin' hitched.

This is for Daniel:
Peanut shell peanut shell peanut shell

This is for Drew:
But February made me shiver with every paper I delivered...

This is for Josh:
Joe's sick.

This is for Dwight:
Father Callahan

This is for Capps:
Memphis will be laid to waste

This is Jacob:
not a zinger

This is for Ruth:
somebody's retarded...

All joking aside, happy boxing day

I like to Dabble.

2005-04-22T12:46:00.000-07:00

Hoodeleehoo
Hoodeleehoo

What in the world is a hoodeleehoo?
Sit yer butt down an' I'll tell you
How to do the Hoodeleehoo.

A little oldskool Brak for yall.

So, how was your day?
Sleep well?

I slept in to late this morning.
Smelling of McDonald's McGriddles, I McEntered my school and turned in my excuse for being late.
Sorry that Austin was late ~Sarah Johnson.
Fiddler went well tonight.
Read Wizard and Glass.

The Issues:

Issue No. 1:
Rename "The Issues" to "The Struggle"

The Struggle:

Struggle No. 1:
I have gotten comments that the song that plays on my website is too effing catchy:
Jessica by Adam Green on the Friends Of Mine album.
I'll change it.

Struggle No. 2:
Things people should listen to: The new Coldplay single is available for to listening to
Speed of Sound.
Ben Folds full CD available for to listening to for one week only
This one.
Go to Vh1.com.
And no, I'm not making a link.
Who do you think I am?
Albert effing Trump?

Struggle No. 3:
Leave comments,
Which is the better Blinded By The Light?
Springsteen (Writer) or Mannfred Mann's Earth Band (Performer)

Those is the Sruggles.

Sruggles? That's got to be in a Dr.Seuss book somewhere.

Struggles.

Thankee-sai.

NEW MUSIC

2005-04-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Well, New Music Rocks.

Next Tuesday, the 26th, Songs For Silverman, the long-awaited LP from BEN FOLDS is coming out. Also, Speed of Sound, Coldplay's New Single, comes out tonight on Coldplay.com.

Make Believe, the new Weezer Album, is out May 10, so be sure to buy it and find out if it's another Green Album or the next Pinkerton.

The Ninja Master Code

2005-04-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

This is the Ninja Master's Code.

People who do drugs-are weak.

People who get drunk-are weak.

People who cuss when they're angry-are weak.

People who use the f-bomb all the time in everyday language-are weak.

People who have premarital sex-are weak.

Ninjas are not weak.

People who get picked last for kickball-rock. because they're the ones that will own all the big kid's lives in 20 years.

Some might say this might be your last Farewell Ride.

2005-04-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

Hello, me hearties.

Earlier today, I went into school thinking that I could be walking into the setting of the worst week of my life. For a lot of reasons, I thought this might be true.

For one, I lost my cell phone.

For two, I did horribly on my latest chemistry test, which brought my grade down to 76 or something isshy like that.

For three, I'm going to miss the Shins show because of gay play practice, and they're never in Nashville and good bands rarely have no age restrictions. I might be pissed.

For four, haha... 4 4. never mind.

Well, I still can't find my cell phone, and boy, does that suck, because those little guys are pretty important in today's day and age.

But, things are looking up because "Keep Fishin'" just came on my launchcast radio and now I'm all happy and optomistic.

Things will get better.
Toes will get better.
Rolls will get butter.
mmm.... butter...

I've been getting better sleep lately... depriving myself of caffeine was a good move.

I'll finally get to sleep in in about three weeks.
So I have that to look forward to.

Everyone buy GUERO by Messrs. BECK and THE DUST BROTHERS.
Great CD.

Hopefully Daniel's and Josh's blogs are better than this one. Go to those.

I need some serious prayer, so pray fer me.

You do know how to pray, don't you?

Euclid, the father of all Geometry

2005-04-06T15:01:00.000-07:00

Everyone, when you're done on this site, check out all the GI JOE PSA's
Mutha Hilarious.

Okay, great day.

Maybe.

Oh, for those of you who don't know, my grade is classified as

"Retarded."

Some questions asked this year in my Sophomore World History class:
"What's an Empire?"
"An Ally? Is that like an Alibi?"

Anyway, at lunch after world history (or the class where all you do is talk in undertones about assorted California Teenage Soap Operas that try to get cool music on them but actually end up offending actual fans of Pinback and Beck... Your O.C.s, your Laguna Beaches, what have you...) we started to complain that the lunch table conversation had reached a slump. So we ate our chilicheesefats in silence, eyeing the grains in the fake wood finish of our palatial imitation lunch table when the subject of restroom hygeine broke our bored reticence. For some odd reason, I mention how I lay down toilet paper on public toilets (including school and church and ((ughh)) McDonald's) which got me a veritable ishload of weird looks from the (plastic) girls across the table.
"Yeah I lay paper down."
more weird looks.
"Doesn't everybody."
then an answer.
"No, I don't." she said, as if to suggest laying paper down on a spot where countless poop-bearing arses have released bodily waste was more stupid than buying 50's new CD Massacre.
More akward "Austin is sooooooooooo stupid" conversation ensues...
finally:
"Hold on." it was Hailey, the one with red hair and highlights. "She" indicating one named Kristin with a waving finger "thought you ment you lay" she started gesturing the process of paper laying on a toilet seat "like this" horizontally? "across the toilet seat" these girls a retarded "so that when you crap" they are "it falls on the paper" I might leave this school "and you get up and it falls in."
Oh, yeah, that explains everything.
A stunned look from me, then questioning...
"Are. you. retarded?"
The girls are laughing hysterically.
"are you retarded?"
Laughing continues.
"I can't believe this."
I got up and went to the library, passing the burly (burly here means fat) football coach who calls everyone "hoss." So I entered the library.
apparently to look up the word "hoss."

Later, during History, My dad came and took me away. I had no idea what was going on.
"What's going on?"
"Well, we're getting your toenail there cut out." My ingrown toenail. My Swollen Infected Ingrown Toenail.
"Where?"
"St. Thomas"
I searched for something on the radio. Lightning 100 was playing something crappy, they're in a slump these days, and 91.1 probably had their usual dead air. We arrived and I went up to the like Gth level. Hospitals are so weird. Everything is the K3th level or the Yumuth99(woebegone)-22DedbreltYth Level. Whatever. I got up there, read Angels & Demons, got back up, waited, joked with my dad, the doctor came in, talked to me, felt my foot, discussed, concurred, left, joked, dad, opened, talked, nurse, iodine, needle, numb, cut, cut, done, left, hobbled, byed, elevator, garage, car, trevecca, computer, pepsi, free itunes song, hobbled, car, home.

Good day.

Like Will Ferrel?

2005-04-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

er'rybody in the club, go to this site:
Will Ferrel's Harvard Speech, 2003.
This is friggin' hilarious.
Skip to about 1:30 or so in it. It's long.
Have Fun.
Preach.

Turn in your books to... Thomas, what is that?

2005-04-04T12:29:00.000-07:00

Well, time for an update. You may notice the changes applied to the website.
Yeah, you better notice those.

Big news.

Coming up on my schedule of things to see before dying:
The Shins playing.
HOLY CRAP THEY ARE COMING TO NASHVILLE.
AND ITS NOT GOING TO BE 18 AND UP!
I CAN GO.

CANNERY BALLROOM
$20 AHEAD
BELIEVE ME GO HERE

Also, I may switch between music videos and the Fenslerfilm's GI JOE public service announcements every once in a while.

Secret Window is sooooo tight.

Also, I highly reccomend the book Angels & Demons by Dan Brown.
Don't worry, Harrison Wall. They're not real demons (which, to him, don't exist).
Yeah, it's one of those Airport paperbacks, but it's good.

If you hate country music, but love folk and bluegrass,
you owe it to yourself to listen to Mermaid Avenue by Billy Bragg & Wilco.
Wilco might be one of the best bands out there now.

Watch The Good the Bad & the Ugly.

The Fabulous Life of Albert E. Finkelstein

2005-03-27T20:41:00.000-08:00

but, sadly, Al has died.
I didn't know him, but he was jewish.
Daniel laughed when they announced his name
as part of the recently dead members of the
Shalom Temple.

Let me back up a bit.

Chelli's (speeling?(spelling?)) Sunday School class
is soooooooooooo tight. So tight in fact, I could
theoretically
crap my pants.
or skort.

not that I'm wearing one.

two, in fact.

EH-KNEE-WHEY
we went to a temple for Good Friday,
but Jews don't acknowledge the goodness of it.
So they have Purim.

The service was cool enough.
Dan was late and asked where the Good Friday service was...
The guy just laughed.
Also, Dan started to cross himself in the doorway.
Silly Daniel.
Only Popes do that.
or something like that...

Well, needless to say, Dan laughed at a dead guy's name.
That merits a flogging.

one

two

three

flog.

selfless cold and leaving comments

2005-03-21T00:46:00.000-08:00

ALERT!!!

PEOPLE OF AUSTIN'S BLOGE!!!

WE HAVE HEARD YOUR COMPLAINTS ABOUT NO BEING ABLE
TO LEAVE COMMENTS ON THE SITE.

WE HAVE ACTED.

FIRST, YOU MUST HAVE A BLOGGER ACCOUNT.

TAKEN CARE OF.

WHEN YOU WANT TO LEAVE A COMMENT, DO SO ADDING YOUR NAME AT THE END OF THE COMMENT.

THEN SIGN IN THE USERNAME:

IWANTTOLEAVEAUSTINACOMMENT

THE PASSWORD:

123456

EASY CHEESEY JAPANESEY.

NOW USING YOUR NEWFOUND LEAVINGCOMMENTSTENDOM,
CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT "EASY CHEESY JAPANESEY"
IS FROM?

GBYE.

but he can spell San Diego

2005-03-21T00:31:00.000-08:00

Dear readers:

School is progressively getting better.
and by better i mean "out for spring break"
which so far has been spent at the computer manipulating
launchcast into playing music that i like.
i apologize for talking about books in my last bloge,
i regret that i am a loser contrary to popular belief.

choreography will soon begin for fiddler on the roof.
i can dance like meshugga, i tell you.

Josh and Dan are in San Diego.
I don't know why.
They're probably chillin right now...
drinking
driving
eatin the trendy dishes
sushi and the like
buying dirty crack off Freddie the Freeloader...
listening to Bob Marley
texting cal and jake and shaaron and will and !DORK LORD!

yes.

i am !DORK LORD!

Me and Hamilton (alias Al Ryan) worked on Scenes one and two of [tentative title]
which will be coming out shortly after its done.
Decembruary 5th.

I think I'm in love with Margo...

-Richie

P.S. has anyone checked out the new Half-Blood Prince cover?
that book looks so tight, it'll start a band the likes of which have ne'er yet
been seen or heard of...

RUSH!!!!

P.S.S. If you like Rush, never come to this website again, within 5 feet of me, or near food.

Daniel Page doesn't know how to spell words.

2005-03-19T13:37:00.000-08:00

I so havent updated since forever ago.

Recently, I visited a little homestead up the drvie called:

CHICAGO.

A delightful little town full of the most amazing American Architecture EVER.
Cool buildings. took a few pictures with a disposable camera that a few people at the airport security area scrutinized for about 75 minutes wondering if it said how fast it was. The river was green. That's levitation, homes. Saw Blue Man Group, out my leg behind my head, got hit on by some pervert Chigoans. I think they just call them prostitutes.

purchased Whatever and ever amen and HOur of bewilderbeast.
both of which rock the party.

I'm looking for'ard to a great spring break consisting of everybody in Destin and me at rehearsal thursday thru sat.

Read the bible.
Namely Ecclesiastes (spelling?)
because that is great stuff (its almost emo)about God and living a God-Like life and also some of the best literature in history.

There is nothing new under the sun.

Summerteeth. Tigermilk.

Don't ask me when to fall in a river.

but you can't make him drink it, nor should you want to.

2005-03-04T17:47:00.000-08:00

I would like to let everyone know that the month of July in 1989 was a pivotal moment in the history of America. One, the 19th brought little James into the world whereupon the woman populus of earth was hitherto changed to have an indelible attraction to that scrawny redhead white boy, me. And also, fifteen years later, and three days before, another boy, Harry, would be continuing on to his sixth year in a little book called The Half-Blood Prince. (pictured below)

This is NOT the final title, but it gives you something to look forward to.

Also, sooner, to whet my literary whistle, the fourth installment of the saga of Ireland's own, ARTEMIS FOWL (the greatest modern children's book) The Opal Deception (pictured below) will be released. It is scheduled for release in April

and much, much later will we learn the fates of Eragon and Saphira in Christopher Paolini's Second Novel, Eldest (once a-freaking-gain, pictured below).
August. Ausgust 23rd.

Those without my taste, but still containing maybe a smidgeon of my book saliva would also like to know that I plan to read Stevie King's Wizard and Glass very soon.

Cheers.
whereeverybodyknowsyourname
andtheyrealwaysgladyoucame

THE SHINS WILL SAVE YOUR MUSICAL LIVES!

2005-03-04T17:46:00.000-08:00

TWIDDLE THY THUMBS

2005-03-03T12:50:00.000-08:00

Hello!

This past Tuesday was a snow day.
Yes, it was a snow day.
Tuesday was a snow day.
And my name is Blaine the Pain.

Death, he said, but not for you, gunslinger...

Read The Gunslinger, all of you.

Our school drama department will be presenting
FIDDLER ON THE MOTHERFREAKING ROOF.

I hope I don't get a huge part... but I will anyway.

Root Beer Comes in Bottles Now.

Goblet of Fire rocksthepartythatrocksthepinatathatrocksthelampposttherocksthemr.tumnuswouldyoulikesometealittlegirl?

Lion and London

2005-03-02T13:18:00.000-08:00

Tell them you're not at home.

Animal Farmacy.

Hot diggity dang, Snow day.

2005-03-01T09:40:00.000-08:00

T'day was a snow day.
I learned that today when I woke up at like 9:30 and looked at my clock and it said 9:30.

"when the day is done, don't you often sense the sun? along with everything that was lost and won, when the day is done."

everyone should listen to Nick Drake.
People who are dead and awesome at music usually have a lot of crap to say about crap.
So buy dead people CDs.

Yep, go into Barnes and Noble in Opry Mills and tell that guy with the pony tail and the hawaiian shirt to give you dead guy CDs. He'll laugh, exposing nasty pedofile teeth and ask you about the Nashville Independent Film Festival. Run. Run away. Go to Tower. The prices aren't better, but at least you'll get bored looking at the same bad CD prices over and over again.

Out.

A "David" Name Tag

2005-02-23T05:52:00.000-08:00

a novella by Austin Johnson

So. This past weekend was motherawesome. I slept 10 hours a day wednesday night, thursday night, and sunday night. I had thursday, friday and monday off.

MeJoshandDaniel went to Goodwill. I found an awesome sweater, but I didn't have any money for to buy said sweater. Josh gives me a fistful of cash. I give it to the nice lady at the counter, and its only one dollar. I later learn that i found the awesome sweater on the women's rack, but whatever.

Sunday night we walked around Daniel's neighborhood and Calvert and Jacob came over and we stood around in the park for a while. Went home. watched Lost in Translation.

I woke up at 2 the next day, Dan made a manly breakfast. We ate it in the treehouse.

Word.

Lean Forward Slightly. Prepare to be awed at scrumptious bloge that awaits your feverish sampling.

2005-02-17T22:04:00.000-08:00

How are you enjoying my bloge?
I gave it a facelift. Actually I changed some of the html around, stole code from Josh's website, lied to my wife, but trendy people say facelift for these kinds of things. At least that's what television says.

I finished Harry Potter and Thihds Channer fofertumtum Sicxerytebilfliggydibs todee. Or, rather, toneeght. I think I might start the third here pretty soon. I don't know which is better, the third or fourth. The third has sweet time travel, animagi, hogsmeade, but the fourth has Madeye Moody, the firebolt, and heads in fires.

YOU DECIDE! MINIONS!

minions. is that too harsh?

Take time to look up at my picture. I need me some whitestrips.
or White Stripes?
Watched a little bit of their concerto today. Talent is nigh in the White household. What's the deal with Jack White and Loretta Lynn? That's his grandma or nanny or whatever.

The grammys sucked.
That's John Lennon's song, not even to be heard of by the band velvet revolver.
Green Day guy is Not a solo performer.

That's it. That's all you get.

Go, Mordecai!

Give Down.

2005-02-16T13:05:00.000-08:00

Heydy ho, er'ebody

I finished the first Harry Potter book in like three days.
I'm rereading them. So that means I'm on the second and suckiest
of all the Harry Potter books: Thihds Channer fofertumtum Sicxerytebilfliggydibs
I hate this one so much I daren't even spell it so that it looks even remotely like the actual title.

I'm having to stay after school because my mom's a teacher for metro and she doesn't get off until like 4 or whatever and I'm like 10 so I can't drive yet.

I set up a pile of pillows, the ones with little sayings that your grandma thinks are cute, up in a corner in the loft of The Tower (being the topmost floor of my house, consisting of a loft overlooking the rest of the living space, my room, and my bathroom)
I read there, word.

I wish I could make this bloge more interesting , but I have to go.l

Drinking and drving, narcotics possesion, and that's just page one of his ten page confession.

2005-02-11T13:11:00.000-08:00

HHHHEEEEELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(big wave)

Today was mostly spent singing to different people at school with a little show choir thing called:
Singing Valentines

We ended up singin In the Still of the Night 53 times. We were good though...
And When I Fall in Love about 23 times, 36 of which we sucked.

I have an enormous sense of calm today.
It might be my shirt...

I have added on to my repertwar of crap that I senselessly waste precious minutes of on the internert a Zangya, which half of it is a place to tell stories, rather than complain (which is most of what I do here) and the other half being a pathetic attempt to be as cool as everyone's favorite TCC truant and doobie man, D. Preston Page.
Everyone, from the Vatican to the Vatican't, should visit Dandan's bloge if they enjoy classy foulmouthed storytelling in a laid-back rarely updated setting.

Enough about people that aren't me...

I really have to go to the bathroom, so let's wrap this up.

BYE

Slacks, snacks, and Nick-nack Shack

2005-01-22T16:00:00.000-08:00

Outgoing Message!
NEVER WEAR BASEBALL CAPS!
AND DON'T TURN THEM BACKWARDS!
YOU ARE NOT THE SMASH NINTIES RAP DUO
KRISS-KROSS!

Thankee-sai.

Okay. I had to get that out.

To every old person reading this:
When I have food in my hands...
Don't come up to me and say "OH? Is that for ME?? HAHAHA!" and then grab at it like it really is FOR YOU. Nobody thinks that's funny.
Also, y'all have cooler clothes than anybody. Don't ruin a perfect shortsleeve buttonup shirt and tie with coudory pleated navy blue craprag pants.

THIS ONE GOES OUT TO EVERYONE WEARING A BASEBALL CAP RIGHT NOW UNDER THE AGE OF 20. OR JUST ANYBODY WHO DIDN'T SEE napoleon dynamite THE DAY BEFORE IT CAME OUT NATIONALLY (except for people who wanted to but couldn't go):
You're never allowed to quote anything from a movie that creativley awesome when you don't even know who WROTE THE MOVIE; THE NAME OF THE STAR OF IT; and ANY OF THE HUMOR OF THAT MOVIE!!!! You're the same person that says "it's not good if it's not on the radio" You disgust me. You're like a cold hotpocket to me.

I need to restring me guitars.

I saw Office Space last night. THAT MOVIE IS SO AWESOME.
I want to beat up a copier to GANKSTA RAP now all the eff day!

ANDaGOODBYE

~Dr. Francis Pelkins (Creator of the first Instant Chupacabra Farm).
" You can't say anything bad about someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

Cellar Door

2005-01-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

Howdy one and all.
Welcome to the Austin Internet Showcase.

I didn't do any best-of thing for 2004...
so I will kind of make up for it.

Last time we met, I told you about the five people that totally suck.
And by suck, I mean SUCK. You know, the sucking kind.

So now, here is a list thing on different topics.
Bear with me.

Top One Movie I saw in Daniel's Room at 12 Saturday Night:
Donnie Darko (We watched it on a projector and sat on Dan's bed. That was tight.)

Top One Thing I ate last night while my parents ate some Kung Pao Kichen:
Fetuchini Al Frado

Top Two Things to do when you wake up too early:
GO BACK TO SLEEP.
work on your chess game.

Top One Stupidest Thing my Other Friend Josh said just now:
"I'm pretty sure the world is ending 'cause I just saw the horses of the Apocalypse. or the elephants, whatever."

Top One Most Boring Blog To Date:
This one.

Mitch Albom's The Five People You won't Meet in Heaven

2005-01-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

This be an assortment of some unsavory people that definitely do NOT like good things in life:

Phillip Pullman: Great Writer, but blasphemes out the butt. Plus, he accused C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia of being Racist and Sexist. He sucks.

Teresa Heinz-Kerry: Trilingual B-Word. Good Ketchup, though.

Al Franken: He's Al Franken. I don't care if he was funny as Stuart Smalley on SNL. He's emmeffing Al Franken.

Gollum: Smeagol never came through in the end... stupid Cracks of Mount Doom...

and

Finally

M

I

C

ok that takes up too much space...

M I C H A E L M O O R E :
Fat. Liberal. and Fat.

There you have it.
Don't talk to any of these people or touch them

P.S. Rumor has it, if you poke Teresa Heinz-Kerry with a bobby pin:
she bleeds ketchup

P.S.S. Toss Sean Penn in there, too.

Brick

2004-12-28T15:02:00.000-08:00

Man.
Dude.
Nice.

I recently remedied my christmas lack of media gifts.
Rocking the Suburbs... rocks.
A Ghost is Born... rocks.

I can never think of anything cool to do on the internet.
I always get on... and stare at the screen...
Someone help me.

Ex Mus

2004-12-26T16:19:00.000-08:00

Did everybody (and by everybody I mean the five people who read this... three people... Ruth... ? ) enjoy Christmas?

I know DanDanTheDoobyMan did.
Half-Life Too!
Alldayalldayallday

Yeah.

I got..............................................................................
...................................................................................
............................................................................clothes

Yeah.
Clothes.

Well... good clothes... I guess...
A Tight Pullover (and by "Tight" I mean Awesome)
A Tight White Hoodee (It's Awesome, too... but it's big)
A buttonup shirt
A... sweater?
maybe
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaand........ Napoleon Dynamite, A C.S. Lewis Book (Miracles), and 280 dollerses (200 is for a school trip, though...)

I went with Chad (one of those, what d'you call 'em, brothers?)
to Opree Mills.
I visited American Eagle with him and decided to never enter that store again... the 107.5 juices creeped in and I suddenly couldn't stop wondering what the cast of the OC could run into next. I then started doing everything P. Diddy and Ashton Kutcher did and downloaded music off of Kazaa and put it on my pink iPod and everything was disorganized because it was illegal and I didn't know what iTunes was. Then my abercrombie model hair curled out under my trucker hat with a ripped up bill and I made a mix with some Toby Keith and D12 and Ciara and Tim McGraw and Bowling for Soup

And...

That didn't happen. Thank God.

I went to Tower next and listened to A Ghost Is Born by Wilco and was pleasantly surprised... so I bought it... and its good...
I also bought Rockin' The Suburbs... BenFoldsRocks.

I listened to the Zutons Cd, but that's for another day and another 11 dollers.

I'm gonna go do something worthwhile now.
By all five of y'all.

Christmas is the Bestmas

2004-12-25T13:05:00.000-08:00

Welcome one and all to Awesome Johnson's Amazing website that maybe five people read weekly.

if that...

I suck.

Christmas is today. Wakka wakka wakka doo.
I'll come back an' tell ya whatcha KAKA I got.

Wow...woW

2004-12-17T09:26:00.000-08:00

I really have NOT updated in, what is it... five years...?
Well, Ruth, here's your update.

Josh Lovell has not updated his website since like the fifth grade.
Update the effer.

I wabt to see A Series of Unfortunate Events today. TODAY.

Huzzah!

We're moving, finally, to a new house in Old Hickory/Hermitage/Wilson County
The thing is oh-so-tight.
If it were squeezable, I'd squeez it until its googly eyes popped out onto the sofa.
Mark my words.

So I got the new SteamRoller CD yesterday. Oh, wait, they don't have one.

I'm chillin at my grandparent's house today... their keyboard (upon which I am updating this mother) uh-sucks.

I was assigned to wirte a one-page essay in first person about the sinking of the RMS TITANIC. I went above-and-beyonda and wrote nine pages. I hope to soon post it uppa in here.

I finished THE DRAWING OF THE THREE yesterday...
Gotta give it back to DAN DAN THE DOOBIE MAN...
He's gotta give me the next Stevie King Book, THE WASTE LANDS.

Did you enjoy your update, Ruth?
Another one will be done shortly...

Until next time, My Chemical Romance sucks.

Battering Rammifications

2004-11-29T13:16:00.000-08:00

No one likes Velvet Revolver. Face it.

Anywho...

This is Monday: It was okay.
We had a super-extra-crappy lunch today.
Chicken Motherfreaking Pot Pie.
It was (methinks) just leftovers of Thanksgiving lunch the past Tuesdee.

Well,
I think I make a new mix on iTunes like every week.
They have stupid names (Reveling in your own fifth, Living with Lemonade and Shady Dealings, Lucky Walter and the Glad Italians...)

The latest is aptly named:
Desmond Fraschmoenen's
Fashionably Eight.

Whatever.

I want to see A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Looks hecka tight. (is hella a cussword?)

Good band though...

On to the good stuff.

This past weekend I went to my friend Alex's house.
He's got this tight house on some lake called Old Hickory or some crap...
Anyway, we watched Stuck On You (hilarious; better than I thought it was going to be), Labyrinth (my friend Alex hadn't seen it; the movie is quite delcious; yes, I know there's not an extra "i" in there, but it's my own word. my OWN. my preciou--- never mind)

We then began to stay up until 4:30. There was church in the morning.
I got my just desserts.
Poopy disposition and purple bags.

Keep it goin' whatever your deal is.
Just don't say "Good Deal"
Cuz if you do, you probably always say it entirely too much.
And I'd hate you.
For a week. three.

The Question Mark.

2004-11-25T19:34:00.000-08:00

Thanksagivnin!

Normally, my nuclear family in nashville would
blow up

Letmetrythatagain.

Normally, my family (the five Johnsons) would travel out of town to eat the turkey and talk about being family and do family things. but this year we stayed home.
DANGIT!
We didn't even eat at home, but rather drove fererever to the Loveless Cafe.
It was great. Better than I expected. Amazing Chicken. FriedtheChicken.

We then went to look at the house in which we would like to move.
tis a TIGHT house.

Godbepraised. Good things is happnin.

Tomorrow.
I want to go to a mall or something but that could be

for a dude. I have a low tolerance for tourists. If you've been to a public place with
The Austin
you'd already be in posession of this knowledge prior to my personal outward insight stated in the previous sentences.

Stave it off. onetwothree.
and now you can count to three!
Preach.
Huzzah!

"...and you can all go home to your precious TV Dinners!"

2004-11-19T14:48:00.000-08:00

Had one piece of crap week.
Okay... here goes... something

Monday: Monday just sucks. You can't make Monday good. People have tried it just doesn't work out. It's like trying to point out the good in country music. It's the ultimate paradox. It can't happen.

Actually, it was pretty good.
But then came

Tuesday: The previous night I woke up shivering at 11:00. I had clothes on... I turned off m' fan and didn't get but 2 hours of sleep until 5 in the morning. Fun! Wait... no. I woke up 2 hours (see I tell-a the truth) later and couldn't talk normal. My voice sounded like when little kids with snot running down their faces bang on the low keys of a piano relentlessly. They seem to enjoy it. I hated being sick. My Dad ("Dad") programmed my remotay to make mY DVD PLAYER FOLLOW MY EVERY COMMAND! (I wasn't shouting. my pinky hit the capslock) So I told my DVD player to make me a delicious meal. Instead it played Monty Python and the Holy Grail. That's a truly great movie. Not e'rebody's cupo'tea, but they like country and they can suck it.

I got better (Not a line from the movie. My fever ((yes, i had a fever)) broke within 2 hours)

Wednesday: We did this prayer thing and I got this TIGHT leaf. or feather. whatever i threw it away.

Thursday: Thursday... MIGHT have been... delicious. We had chicken at school and cracker barrel so my stomach shook my hand and gurgled thank you you're awesome.

Friday: That was today. It's not over yet... school was okay. I totally chilled. TWICE. I then made a fort out of my friend Spenser's (Spenser is a girl. See how its spelled all faggy? with thelittle girly s) Scooby-doo (Scooby-doo is a dog. He had this one bad show in the seventies where he solved mysteries with people who obviously smelled cuz they wore the same clothes all the mother time and they didnt have any whites in their eyes. Seriously, look closely. When Scooby-doo found out how much his show totally sucked, he od'd on Alpo-line and was found in the dumpster somewhere near the Shakespeare museum in Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire.) blanket. It was awesome. I finished the day off with going to a Trevecca Basketball game and typing this really long bloge for Ruth. Happy?

Things you should dobefore a potential Apocalypse:
Mmhmm- Relient K (Great CD. Not Anatomy, but great CD) buy it, son.

Follow the elderly around at Target humming the Peter Gunn theme

Write your effing movie you've been effing talking about for TWENTY EFFING YEARS. (pinky. capslock)

Happy third night of Hannukah.
Capping Cruntch

Fine, Ruth, I'll Update

2004-11-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

Everyone has requested that I update my website more often. I have your requests. looked at them. read them.

Very Well.
I am about to leave for Trevecca Homecoming Activities, so I will make paste.
This week, in Austin:

I went to BattlefreakinGround Academy on a field trip with other members of the Davidson Academy Student Council. We toured the school and I finally came to the realization that BGA kicks major DA and/or DCA arse when it comes to being a tight private school. If you have the chance and money, attend.

I got a haircut. It's freakin awesome. BGA's freakin awesome.
I'm freakin awesome.

I plan to put up a profile on my AIM thing. Whoopdee.

I am currently fascinated with the following:

The Drawing of the Three, by Stephen King

Pink Moon, Nick Drake's Last CD

About A Boy Soundtrack, Badly Drawn Boy

The 10th Anniversary DVD Edition of the MYST Trilogy, a popular Computer Game
(If I can ever get Riven to work right... Does anyone have an extra not-in-use-at-the-moment goodgoood video graphics card? heh heh. nudge nudge.

I believe I'm wanted in a car.
G'bye

I have Ben M. Achin' some change is.

2004-10-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

I have updated this website to better fit everyone's "in the moment" 21st century style. Or just my liking, which should be your liking. Death Cab for Cutie tomorrer so I'ma goin' tadat. RCKTWN has got good shows. I just bought the About a Boy soundtrack and Kid A by Radiohead. Phonoluxe is the best store for used music.
God Bless the election. I don't want an Ent for president. Dirty Kerry.

Freaking Torrents

2004-10-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

I wrote down this gay little pome the other night when it muthaflooded from the sky via heavy precipitation. Whatever. Here it is: writter at 12:o7 10/18/04. or would it be 10/29/04? anywho:

It rains endlessly
It won't rest until it has saturated every square inch of insomnia, usa
My lamp has flickered
My windows shake in fear of what they're forced to behold
Heaven's polaroid scares the crap out me
and my house
and we will serve the Lord.

Really gay? Pretty Good? Really REALLY Gay? Post a comment.

Alexander and the Hotel Shoesman

2004-10-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

Alexander Ralfonso Estreffage LeMarco stared up to the top of the towering mass confronting him. Not mentally, but imposing on him by sheer loftiness and girth that he had no choice but to enter the swinging doors. The Hotel Shoesman.
Al ran. He had to. He was only wearing socks; The floor was hardwood and screaming, "Slide! Y'Bum! Slide!"
Alex halted his progress and slid for a solid three seconds. 15 mph. Tops.
He slammed into a desk, rendering him blind. His glasses were nowhere, as far as nearsighted eyes could see. Which, if you don't know first-hand, is not very far at all.

I'm not sure why I typed this, but I like it.

And, yes, I like Maine scrambled.

2004-10-09T14:14:00.000-07:00

Last night, I attended my (one of three) best friend Josh's birthday celeparty. There were three of us tackling, punching, and, yes, kicking "it." It was a humble sleepover that comprised of entering Wal-Mart and leaving with Simpsons: Hit and Run and Mean Girls on DVD.

We went back. ate birthday cookies. there was no milk. i need lactose with my glucose. i went to bed.

This morning I awoke to more cookies. I drank all the Nothing dry.

We took our individual bathing opportunities. We put on clothes. We went to Waffle House.

I just noticed all the crap for sale on iTunes. The top forty all suck. Why. Why is pop music so... popular. It really sucks. All of it sucks. I can't believe how much it sucks. That's just my thing you know...

As for the title for the Saturday bloge, I titled it something I thought of at Waffle House. I thought, "Yes, I like, mine scrambled." But my stubborn hands said something much cooler. I've never been to Maine. Nor do I feel any predisposition to visit it. Don't know why. I guess it's 'cause I'm cuttin' muffins... because...

VOTE BRAK 2004.

Doing Shows At My Schule

2004-09-27T13:37:00.000-07:00

Don't do shows at your school. It ties up time and you don't get to hang out with friends too much. If you do do shows (haha doo-doo) make sure you space them out between each other so you have ample time to go into Kroger with a Curve Cologne Tin of pennies, come out with five dollars, and eat at the Stewart's Ferry Waffle House and write the first scene of your third movie with your associates. or just friends. And I totally did all of that. Yesterday.

I did a show. It was a lot of practice and memorizing things to forget a week after next Saturday. I'm sure it'll be fun and funny and one of those life-experience thingies or whatever, but I just want to hang right now. So Do shows. just not like 3 backa-to-backa. That's it for me. Back to you in the Studio.

What's a Bloge? OH! Blog! Yeah, what's a Blog?

2004-09-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

A lot of people ask me what the title of my website means (The Everlasting Blogstopper). Most people are sheltered and haven't seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Then there's the other 22% who AREN'T nerds that don't know exactly what a blog is. A blog is, essentially, an updated account of the life or views (In my case, pointless rants and pictures I thought were cool at the time) of an individual (that means "person"). Mostly girls make them and update them daily. I made one because it was the only free website that WASN'T all fruity (that means "gay"). I don't update this webite a ton, mainly because there's more important crap to do and not enough time to do it all. So count on something new every Monday (that means "Monday").

As for the name, "Blog," I think it started out as "Web-log," But trendy people who have no time for unecessary syllables just "Blog." Dang good thing they didn't shorten it to "Webl." That'd be to hard to say. This concludes our lecture on Blogs and have your notes ready for the test tomorrow. It will be open-notes so make sure you took good ones. Have a good three-day weekend, see you Tuesday.

A Public Apology

2004-09-06T11:16:00.000-07:00

I'm pre-sorry for anything really stupid I put on this site. Most of the time when I type crap it's, well, crap. So If you have any complaints about really stupid stuff and you feel embarrassed and cheated as a person, still keep coming to the site, 'cause I'll snap out of it sooner or later. Have a websitey good day!

(See? Crap like that. Crap. Like. That.)

2004-09-05T16:41:00.000-07:00

Here are some sweet pictures from my awesome life and super-cool friends.

This is me being awesome. I am very good in this area.

If you can't figure out what movie this is from, go rent the movie "Rushmore" and you will find out. This is one of the most brilliantly genius-core movies EVER.

This was taken the dang day before I got my dang braces off. Phones are wonderful, they enable us to communicate with our voices, as I am demonstrating in this dang picture of myself. On the dang phone.

See that? NO BRACES. What now buhddists?!?

(Josh now types the next section of this post in my "blog".)

Hey, this is Josh. I just wanted to tell the world that if you have not visited Austins AWESOME webpage, you should. Many people have been waiting for a long time for this to happen. Happy Birthday, Michael Moore.

Michael Moore,

I think you are a whiny fat-ace conspiracy theorist who uses his (obvious) obesity to damage the public opinion of our Texawesome President. If you were president (don't get your cholesterol up, it will NOT happen) someone would cut you. With a knife. The wound would be shallow and ultimately harmless. But you're a whiny fat antipatriot, and it would make you cry, plus, you're fat.

Okay. Later.

Kids like eating Sundays.

2004-09-05T13:45:00.000-07:00

My Xbox has got the gay. It's been acting like a yippy little chiuahuah that poops on everything, except that's what it does to all my games. Not in the literal sense, 'cause I'd have to get out the disinfectant wipes and wipe Xbox poop off Halo. My entertainment center would smell like a public bathroom. Back to Xbox. It stops up after playing for like five seconds, tells me my game disc is dirty and that it needs to clean up and go to church. I'm not understanding a word that I'm saying. If anyone out there has got an annoying Xbox, let's all do this together

Stare at the frozen game screen for FIVE MINUTES.
Kick the stupid thing
Put it in the pile of things you're going to burn for comfort in advent of a nuclear war (That pile includes Slick Shoes Cds and the Diary of Anne Frank)
Get an ice cream sandwich
Write a screenplay
Buy a Wildlife preserve and start a Village surrounded by Mythical Hoglike Redrobed Creatures
Play legos. Wait, DON'T do that
Sell your idea for a TV that changes your channel with your mind
Make some serious Gil
Buy a new Xbox
The Cookies should be done by now.
Eat those.
Play some timewasting Shockwave games
Visit Homestarrunner.com
Go to Hawaii when it's NOT raining
Learn to dance
Yeah, Learn to dance better
Get caught in a Reese's. Or a snowstorm.
This is dumb. I'm stopping

Seacrest OUT!

The Seasick Crocodile

2004-09-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

Relatively speaking from the side of my mouth, I make a sand castle from the grains of the south. You give me a pop tart, I tell you a tale. You release a loud fart and we put you in jail. Overdoing easy things with quick and able speediness, you lose sight of your just right to give up your weeds you clipped. Relatively speaking from the side of my mouth of a river that came from my house. G.