Euclid, the father of all Geometry
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Mutha Hilarious.
Okay, great day.
Maybe.
Oh, for those of you who don't know, my grade is classified as
"Retarded."
Some questions asked this year in my Sophomore World History class:
"What's an Empire?"
"An Ally? Is that like an Alibi?"
Anyway, at lunch after world history (or the class where all you do is talk in undertones about assorted California Teenage Soap Operas that try to get cool music on them but actually end up offending actual fans of Pinback and Beck... Your O.C.s, your Laguna Beaches, what have you...) we started to complain that the lunch table conversation had reached a slump. So we ate our chilicheesefats in silence, eyeing the grains in the fake wood finish of our palatial imitation lunch table when the subject of restroom hygeine broke our bored reticence. For some odd reason, I mention how I lay down toilet paper on public toilets (including school and church and ((ughh)) McDonald's) which got me a veritable ishload of weird looks from the (plastic) girls across the table.
"Yeah I lay paper down."
more weird looks.
"Doesn't everybody."
then an answer.
"No, I don't." she said, as if to suggest laying paper down on a spot where countless poop-bearing arses have released bodily waste was more stupid than buying 50's new CD Massacre.
More akward "Austin is sooooooooooo stupid" conversation ensues...
finally:
"Hold on." it was Hailey, the one with red hair and highlights. "She" indicating one named Kristin with a waving finger "thought you ment you lay" she started gesturing the process of paper laying on a toilet seat "like this" horizontally? "across the toilet seat" these girls a retarded "so that when you crap" they are "it falls on the paper" I might leave this school "and you get up and it falls in."
Oh, yeah, that explains everything.
A stunned look from me, then questioning...
"Are. you. retarded?"
The girls are laughing hysterically.
"are you retarded?"
Laughing continues.
"I can't believe this."
I got up and went to the library, passing the burly (burly here means fat) football coach who calls everyone "hoss." So I entered the library.
apparently to look up the word "hoss."
Later, during History, My dad came and took me away. I had no idea what was going on.
"What's going on?"
"Well, we're getting your toenail there cut out." My ingrown toenail. My Swollen Infected Ingrown Toenail.
"Where?"
"St. Thomas"
I searched for something on the radio. Lightning 100 was playing something crappy, they're in a slump these days, and 91.1 probably had their usual dead air. We arrived and I went up to the like Gth level. Hospitals are so weird. Everything is the K3th level or the Yumuth99(woebegone)-22DedbreltYth Level. Whatever. I got up there, read Angels & Demons, got back up, waited, joked with my dad, the doctor came in, talked to me, felt my foot, discussed, concurred, left, joked, dad, opened, talked, nurse, iodine, needle, numb, cut, cut, done, left, hobbled, byed, elevator, garage, car, trevecca, computer, pepsi, free itunes song, hobbled, car, home.
Good day.
Mutha Hilarious.
Okay, great day.
Maybe.
Oh, for those of you who don't know, my grade is classified as
"Retarded."
Some questions asked this year in my Sophomore World History class:
"What's an Empire?"
"An Ally? Is that like an Alibi?"
Anyway, at lunch after world history (or the class where all you do is talk in undertones about assorted California Teenage Soap Operas that try to get cool music on them but actually end up offending actual fans of Pinback and Beck... Your O.C.s, your Laguna Beaches, what have you...) we started to complain that the lunch table conversation had reached a slump. So we ate our chilicheesefats in silence, eyeing the grains in the fake wood finish of our palatial imitation lunch table when the subject of restroom hygeine broke our bored reticence. For some odd reason, I mention how I lay down toilet paper on public toilets (including school and church and ((ughh)) McDonald's) which got me a veritable ishload of weird looks from the (plastic) girls across the table.
"Yeah I lay paper down."
more weird looks.
"Doesn't everybody."
then an answer.
"No, I don't." she said, as if to suggest laying paper down on a spot where countless poop-bearing arses have released bodily waste was more stupid than buying 50's new CD Massacre.
More akward "Austin is sooooooooooo stupid" conversation ensues...
finally:
"Hold on." it was Hailey, the one with red hair and highlights. "She" indicating one named Kristin with a waving finger "thought you ment you lay" she started gesturing the process of paper laying on a toilet seat "like this" horizontally? "across the toilet seat" these girls a retarded "so that when you crap" they are "it falls on the paper" I might leave this school "and you get up and it falls in."
Oh, yeah, that explains everything.
A stunned look from me, then questioning...
"Are. you. retarded?"
The girls are laughing hysterically.
"are you retarded?"
Laughing continues.
"I can't believe this."
I got up and went to the library, passing the burly (burly here means fat) football coach who calls everyone "hoss." So I entered the library.
apparently to look up the word "hoss."
Later, during History, My dad came and took me away. I had no idea what was going on.
"What's going on?"
"Well, we're getting your toenail there cut out." My ingrown toenail. My Swollen Infected Ingrown Toenail.
"Where?"
"St. Thomas"
I searched for something on the radio. Lightning 100 was playing something crappy, they're in a slump these days, and 91.1 probably had their usual dead air. We arrived and I went up to the like Gth level. Hospitals are so weird. Everything is the K3th level or the Yumuth99(woebegone)-22DedbreltYth Level. Whatever. I got up there, read Angels & Demons, got back up, waited, joked with my dad, the doctor came in, talked to me, felt my foot, discussed, concurred, left, joked, dad, opened, talked, nurse, iodine, needle, numb, cut, cut, done, left, hobbled, byed, elevator, garage, car, trevecca, computer, pepsi, free itunes song, hobbled, car, home.
Good day.
posted by Austin at 3:01 PM
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